Here I sit, one day after my due date, holding my 15 day old sleeping little boy in my arms! Amazing! He was born exactly 2 weeks early and came very unexpectedly, but now that he's here I couldn't be more happy. Before I forget the details of his birth I wanted to get them down here, plus this blog is due some blogging!
It all started on Monday, March 25th. I had a routine doctor appointment to see how my pregnancy was progressing. At my last appointment I was already dilated 1 cm and was 80% effaced, which was a great start, so I was excited to see if I'd progressed any further. That is when the doctor told us that I was measuring small...which was most likely a genetic thing because my husband and I are both small, but could indicate low amniotic fluid. He wanted us to come back the next day for an ultrasound, however David's colleagues were throwing us a baby shower that day, so we scheduled the ultrasound for Wednesday. We went in for the ultrasound excited to get a glimpse of our baby again and thinking nothing was wrong, but during the ultrasound the ultrasonographer looked concerned and said we would need to see the doctor again. As it turns out my amniotic fluid was low so they hooked me up to a monitor to check the baby's heartbeat and my contractions (which I wasn't aware that I was having at all). After 10 minutes on the monitor the doctor decided that I needed to go to the hospital to be monitored through the night and the next day I would need to be induced. This came as quite a shock to my husband I who both had one more day of school before spring break and were fully expecting to be able to enjoy at least part of our spring break before the baby came. I burst into tears immediately. I hadn't had time to prepare for labor and delivery, I hadn't had time to pack a hospital bag, I hadn't had time to finish getting my plans ready for my substitute (my husband and I had planned to go to my do this after the ultrasound was over), I hadn't gotten to enjoy my spring break with my husband and celebrate our last days as a family of two, and I just wasn't ready to have a baby. We asked the doctor if we could talk to our friend Yates, who is also an OBGYN. Yates explained everything to us, assured us that this was the best thing to do for the baby, and prayed with us before sending us off to the hospital. We RUSHED to my school before we went to the hospital so I could at least get something ready for my substitute and I got to talk to my principal about not coming to school the next day because of having a baby and I cried again in her office. She hugged me and assured me that everything would be ok, and told me to focus on my baby and not think of school. I got a few things ready for the substitute, RUSHED home to pack a hospital bag, and checked into the hospital, all the while holding back tears and feeling anxious. Once in the huge labor/delivery/recovery room, I got into a lovely hospital gown, got hooked up to an IV and monitor and settled in for the night. The plan was for me to be started on pitocin at 5 the next morning. I don't think I slept more than an hour or two.
Apparently there was an emergency C-section at 5 in the morning, so at 6:30 the next morning they finally started me on pitocin. It took a little while for the pitocin to kick in but then I started to have contractions. They were no big deal and I thought to myself "This isn't so bad, I can handle this". Around 10 o'clock the doctor checked me and I was dilated to 3 cm and he broke my water. Once my water was broken the contractions started to come a lot more quickly and painfully. Around noon or one the contractions became so painful that I couldn't handle it anymore and asked for an epidural. It took an hour for the anesthesiologist to get there to give me the epidural and I thought I was going to die from the pain of my contractions. At one point I even told David that I couldn't do this anymore. He did such a great job coaching me, reminding me to breathe, encouraging me to move and to get into the different labor positions that we had learned in childbirth class, allowing me to squeeze his hand, etc. I couldn't have made it without him. I was terrified of the epidural, but I was so ready for relief that I didn't even care about the needle going into my back. Once it was in the relief was pretty quick, but not complete...I had a "hot spot" on the left side of my abdomen in which I could still feel the pain of contractions, but it was definitely diminished. Around 2:30 the lactation consultant came in to talk to me about breast-feeding because she got off at four and wasn't sure if I would be delivered before she left. I was so exhausted from lack of sleep and from the pain of contractions that I almost fell asleep as she was talking to me. Finally sometime around 3 o'clock the doctor came in to check my dilation again and told me that if I sneezed the baby would come out! I was dilated 10 cm 100% effaced and the baby was in a very low position and it was time to start pushing! It just so happened that my husband's parents had just arrived a few minutes earlier, and David was in the lobby talking to them when the doctor came in. I was freaking out that he was going to miss the birth of his son, and I texted him this text "It's baby time...get in here!" He came back just in time!
Pushing was hard. Not only could I not feel my legs to keep them up on the stirrups, which resulted in my husband and a nurse holding my legs up (let me just note here that my husband watched the whole birth, including the doctor giving me an episiotomy, on an empty stomach and didn't pass out...impressive!), I also couldn't feel if I was pushing hard enough. I just pushed until my face turned red and I felt like I was going to pass out from holding my breath and hoped it was enough. I only pushed for 15 minutes before Ezra was born and I'm glad it wasn't any longer because I don't think I could've kept it up for an hour or more. When he finally came out and started crying I started crying too, partially because I was relieved that I could stop pushing and partially because my baby boy was finally here! They cleaning him up a little bit and then put them directly on my chest for some skin to skin contact and it was amazing how quickly his vitals came up when he was placed on my chest. The lactation consultant was still there so she worked with me on breast-feeding for a few minutes and we finally got the hang of it (my little boy is smart!) All the while I was still in a very vulnerable position with the doctor working to stitch me up, but I didn't care...I was focused on my baby boy. Then finally everyone left the room, and David and I got some alone time with our son. We spent a good hour marvelling over every little body part, every facial expression, every single thing about him, before we finally allowed visitors to come up. The first visitors we had were David's mom, dad, and sister, who fell in love with our little boy instantly (who wouldn't?) Ezra is the first grandchild for both of our parents, so he will of course be spoiled (I have some experience in that area, being the first grandchild for both of my parents parents myself). His parents had to leave the next day, because Easter weekend is a pretty big deal for a pastor and his family, but my parents came the next day along with my sister, so we only had a few hours alone in the hospital with our baby.
I decided that I needed to stay an extra night because I was still in quite a bit of pain, and it is amazing what a difference a day makes. By the next morning I felt good enough to get out of bed and get myself ready for the trip home. It was quite an ordeal getting him into his carseat, but once we figured that out, I hopped into the wheelchair (although I'm pretty sure I could have walked) and was pushed to our waiting vehicle. I've heard it said that the trip home from the hospital is the longest trip of your life, but fortunately we only live 5 minutes from the hospital so for us it was no big deal. My mom, dad, and sister helped us get us settled into our house with our new family member, and we got to introduce Ezra to our dog Gambit, who wasn't so sure about the baby at first, but now is his fierce protector. Mom, Dad, and Bri went out to get us groceries, which we were so appreciative of because it was the end of the month and we were cleaned out of food. They also got a birthday cake for my sister as it was her birthday that day...she had missed out on a lot of plans that she had with her friends to come see her little nephew, but she claims that it was totally worth it.
My sister and dad left the next day, but my mom stayed for the week and helped us out. The nursery was a mess because we had just had a baby shower the day before I checked into the hospital, so mom helped us organize that, she cleaned our house, cooked us meals, and every sanded and painted a dresser for the baby's room, which is something I wanted done desperately to complete the room (nesting) but David said it could wait until we moved out of our townhouse. And of course she held the baby so we could shower and try to do normal things again. David's older brother came to visit us during the week my mom was there as well, so he got to tag along for a few of the fun things that happened that week, including Ezra's one week appointment and newborn photo shoot.
At his one week appointment the doctor was pleased to see that Ezra had already gained back his birth weight. This was a relief to me because it told me that he was getting enough to eat (a common fear of nursing mothers). Our little boy was deemed healthy, and we beamed with pride over this good report. The next day was his newborn photo shoot, which some friends from church had paid for as a baby shower gift. I was a nervous wreck about how Ezra would do, if he would cooperate or if he would cry. He was amazingly well behaved (i.e. he slept like a baby and only pooped on one of their fuzzy rugs), and our photographer and her husband were amazing and very patient. It was a surprisingly pleasant experience!
My dad came to pick my mom up on Saturday and they left Sunday. It was very hard to see her go, not only because she took care of us so well, but also because I don't get to see my mom that often and it was great to have her around for advice and concerns. David and I have been home along with our baby this whole week, and we've done pretty well (although neither of us has really cooked a meal yet...we're still living off of my mom's leftovers). Yesterday was an awful day because we took Ezra for his circumcision...I cried before during and after the procedure and I still can't quite bring myself to change his diaper because it just looks so painful (David is on official diaper duty). Today David's mom is flying in and will stay with us for a week as well, which will be great when David goes back to work next Wednesday. I don't know how I'm going to manage all by myself when David and all of our family is gone, but I'm sure Ezra and I will be just fine.
All in all, this experience has been unlike any other experience in my life. Being a mommy is something that I have always wanted to be, and it has been wonderful (despite the lack of sleep). I love my little boy more than I ever imagined that I could, and each day I grow to love him even more. As hard as it is for me to admit, I will not be perfect at raising my child, but I am going to try my hardest to do the best I can for him. The biggest thing that I have committed to do is to pray for him everyday. If there is anything that I have learned from my life and those around me it is that prayer is the most powerful thing that you can do for someone that you love, and sometimes it is the only thing you can do. So that's what I intend to do for my son. I will pray for his development, his well-being, his future, and anything else that I can think of to pray for him.
Welcome to the world Ezra Jude!
No comments:
Post a Comment